Realization

Maybe it's just the fact that I'm so tired, but I've just had a bit of a light bulb regarding fiction and me. (We'll see if it still make sense in the morning.)

The thought I had is this: I have a lot of trouble coming up with motivation for completely original characters. In the case of fanfiction, a lot of the back-story that drives a character has already been created. For me, writing fanfiction is kind of like connecting the dots: certain points are already laid out and I fill in what's left, making any sort of design I can pick out from between them. I've been freeing up when trying to do original stuff lately. I have a theory. I myself don't have a lot of inertia lately, and it's bleeding over into my writing. My characters are static because I, personally, am at a standstill on many different levels. I have to struggle to see the purpose in things. Somehow, this cloudy vision is spreading. I can't see why characters would do any of the myriad things that a character could do.

It's frustrating, because I've got a lot of ideas and I don't feel like I have a lot of outlet for them. I'm not making any progress. I feel like I've been relegated to second-tier with fanfics. Not that I'm saying that fanfiction is second-rate. I'm frustrated because I can't do what I want, so I'm doing the next closest. (Sometimes I get a little stuck when I get an idea of "this is what I have to do." I am loathe to use the word compulsion, but that's kind of what it is.)

I am compelled to write these ideas and stories, but I can't let the compulsion go because I haven't finished doing it. I've been blocked somewhere between the start and the end. And it's an unreasonable, invisible obstacle. It's not like I've broken all my limbs and am in traction and am forced to dictate my writerly thoughts to an elderly and hard of hearing relative. (Knock on wood) my computer isn't broken. I am practically swimming in writing implements.

I need to stop whining about my mysterious lack of motivation and go to bed.

~Later

P.S. If a story could either go with a warm-fuzzy ending or a miserable-but-character-developing one, which would you choose? Or would it be better to give the reader the option to read both?